Its all in the Zipper..............

........and of course I mean the zipper method while merging into traffic. Its something that seems all too easy, but I believe its just too hard to comprehend to most drivers. Maybe its not that most don't want to obey it, maybe its just the fact that most of the drivers in this area, and by this area I mean any large metropolitan, don't care. We live in a me first kind of time, and all though I believe we all understand the method, it doesn't matter. If It does not benefit the individual, then that individual, shall not obey.
I think we all have seen this, and if you are one of these people, and I see you, I will call you out, plaster your name over every social media site, and heckle you from your front yard til you cry. Yea, I hate it. What I see most of times, is a large sign, they have these all over the highways. Most of the time, they are very informative. This particular sign might say "lane ends 1 mile" or something along these lines. To most, this would prove a caution that soon, in the near future, that very lane they might be driving in, will in fact end. But it just doesn't matter to these people. In their head, all they can think is if I stay in the lane as long as I can, then I shall be the victor, and the rest shall be the spoil.
Well fuck you. Do you realise you are the cause of traffic?? Coming back from North Carolina I was witness to this very phenomenon. As I knew it was coming up and being in the far left lane, I got over. Moments later, that very sign "Lane ends 3/4 miles" came up. And then it began; traffic. No crash, no cops with someone pulled over to the side of the road, just ignorant ass people who were trying to get ahead of the traffic, they were causing. I just don't get this people. You are trying so hard to get to the head of the pack, only to get there, and have to wait, and then sit in traffic. I have no problem, what so ever to incorporate the zipper method when, in fact people are trying to get in. But if you wait til the last feasible second, then you suck, and everyone driving thinks less of you. And I wont fall for the people saying "oh maybe there wasn't space". Yeah, there was, but it was probably three quarters of a mile back. Putting on your blinker there, and trying to get over, and most, not all, will let you in accordingly. But when you zoom down the lane about to end, while we sit in traffic because of you, I should, by law, be allowed to throw things at you as you pass. Honestly, if you do this, zoom to the front, instead of trying to get over when you can, I seriously, in all honesty hope you step on a tack tomorrow, while barefoot, then fall down the stairs.
I just don't understand drivers. And like I know I've said before, I'm not the best driver out there, but I just try not to do ignorant, and or things that will infuriate other people. I try to point these things out so you wont do them. And I point them out as I see them. Comment if you'd like, but the only point I think anyone will say, is there wasn't space to move in. And while its true, if you were going slower, and have a signal on, someone, will let you in. And when you choose to just gun it, and try to get in at the last moment, then you become an ass. Maybe we should put out a spike stripe, like right at the end. That way no one would even dare to try and wait for the last moment. I wonder how much trouble you'd get in for doing something like that. I mean what the driver eventually does is illegal, driving in a shoulder, so why not punish those people? I'm all about punishing a-holes. I have some extra nails laying around, maybe I'll do it. I think I'd be thought of as some sort of super hero. Have to come up with a name though. So get nails, make some sort of nail strip, go out in the dead of night, put these nail strips down, come up with some bad ass name, tell no one, but send in the name to media outlets.............ok, it way too much work, just stop fucking driving like assholes.
Just seen the commercial for the "Forever Lazy". I have a better name for it, an adult onesie. Its been done. Screw the zipper though. If I wanted to be truly lazy, zippers need not apply. Wow, its came full circle, zipper method, and screw a zipper on forever lazy. See what I did there? Yea, me neither. Share, comment, tell me I'm an a-hole. Question me again and I will put you on diaper detail, and I promise I won't make it easy on you.

As promised............

Its been brought to my attention that I may have a problem keeping up with the little writing that I do. And I can appreciate that. So, I am here, to try and keep up with my rants. More so, with my observations. Again, I bring these things forth as a sort of, guide to how not to act. I do not believe that I myself, am any kind of saint, but I do feel like I have a down to earth view on the things that happen around me. I just express those feelings better though cursing, and going on and on about it. A way to get it off my chest. If you like it, great, tell others. If you don't, shove off.
It didn't take long for me to get pissed off, after realising I should get to writing again. Honestly, in the Northern Virginia area if you want to get pissed off, just stand near a busy intersection for more than 15 minutes. You will undoubtedly see something that is either so asinine, or revolting, that you will have no other option than to be pissed off. The below blog will cover a certain traffic infringement, that is still one of my most favorite. Mostly because during it, I have the ability, to slam into someone, and they would have to pay for the damage. I have yet to do so, but get me on a bad day. Like, seriously, do this on a bad day, and I'll gun it right before I hit you.
Sounds bad doesn't it? I guess the reason I get so pissed, is that inevitably, the person in the wrong, has either no clue they are in the wrong, or think they are above it. In todays case, it was the latter. I'm going to try and describe this, so follow along, really close.
So, here we go. Picture yourself, at an intersection. Two lanes going in all four directions. You are in a turn lane, facing, lets say, North, and are making a left had turn, going West. Everyone is stopped. Your turn arrow, turns green, as does the green light, for anyone going straight, or North. Now, the people who are coming at you, heading South, have to wait, obviously, or they would run a red light, and T-bone you. But here, here is the fun part. And I promise you, I watch for this every damn time I come up to an intersection like this. The people whom are heading south, but have a turn lane, to head West (heading in the same direction you are) thinks, that although they have no green light, that they have the opportunity yo make a right hand turn, essentially turning with you, because there are two lanes to turn into. I will say this once......YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE THAT TURN!!!!!!!! You have a red light! I, I am turning onto that road, not that lane, you cant force me into the far left lane! If I want to, I can go to the right hand lane, but not now! No, because you thought, "Hey, there's two lanes, I'll go too!" . To the absolutely stupid bitch who did this, this morning, and didn't even turn around, when my bumper was say, 3 inches from her damn drivers side door, and I was laying on the horn, lady, I should have gunned it. I should have continued into the right hand lane, swiping you, and putting your car into a ditch. I do believe that this woman, was one of many NOVA drivers who just feel because they got behind the wheel that day, they could do no wrong. What ever, or how ever they drove, was the right way.
I hope you all were able to follow along, as its kind of hard to describe, but I hope, and pray, that non of you are the kind of people who think you can just do anything. And it doesn't happen all the time, but it happens, and the other people are wrong. And I'm sorry, but if you are the first car in line, to make that right turn, on red, and there's a unmarked white van making the left, I wouldn't go if I were you. You have no idea how bad of a day that person is having, and your day, might get a hell of a lot worse. And you know what, it'd be your fault. You'd be hurt, and you'd have a lot of money to shell out for the "accident".
And onto the stupid and or oblivious person of the day. She comes from 7-11, and although I frequent 7-11s a lot, I wont be going back to this particular one. I got a standard lunch, bag of chips, and a small bag of peanuts, and headed to the front. I put the bags on the counter, and the lady began to scan the items. Scanned the chips, but seemed to have a problem scanning the peanuts. Wasn't really looking directly at her, but could tell it was one of those bags that the bar code wrapped around the side. Now, she fumbled with the bag for a few seconds, handling it the entire time, then just punched in the numbers. I payed, and walked out. As I was walking to my van, I looked at the bag to see how badly the bar code was positioned, only to find, that the entire back of the bag, had been taped shut. Like, with scotch tape..................my only thought was "are you fucking kidding me?" She had just handled the bag, she had, had to have seen the tape, yet still handed it to me like nothing was wrong. I turned right around, walked inside, threw the bag of peanuts on the counter, walked to the back, got another bag, and walked out. Now, this lady was either just a complete idiot, and or, just thought, "oh hey, its ok to sell a bag, of anything, to someone after its been opened, and taped closed!!" Disgusting. And to the 7-11, off Route 7 in Reston, you, you have lost my business.............. I bet they have to close down now, yea, yea that's the ticket. Fuck it, don't go there if you live around here.
So that's a day in the life. I'll try to keep these things coming if there's any response. Share with your friends, let me know how to be better. And don't tell me how to write a book, I'm just trying to get my feelings onto a screen, not become a best seller. And as always, I finish with a Family guy quote; "Aw, c'mon Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?"

New post to come Friday, October 7th